In the early weeks of the school year, I was overly pregnant and was concentrating on myself, the arrival of my baby, and preparing my classroom and lesson plans for a substitute. I had an 8 week maternity leave (which was nowhere near long enough). When I returned to school after having baby Price, I was a changed woman. I cried everyday for weeks. I missed my baby. My breastfeeding relationship with him was suffering, I was missing work (unpaid) for doctor's appointments, I couldn't get my lesson plans caught up, my students acted like I was a stranger, and it was hard. Real hard. I didn't want to be there, and I'm pretty sure the students knew that, and you best believe they took advantage of it.
On top of that, I decided that now was the time to officially kick off my photography business. I know it seems like that was a dumb thing to do in the midst of everything, but it has really given me the creative outlet and "me" time that I need. I truly enjoy it.
Every day when I got home from work I complained about my awful day, my two hour commute to and from the babysitter (who happens to be amazing and totally worth it), and at the end of the month my check was lacking because the state doesn't think about babies needing doctors appointments after they are born when they take away every single sick day for your maternity leave. It was miserable. And it was interfering with my marriage, my productivity at home and at work, and my ability to be at my best during the time I had with my baby.
So, naturally, my husband and I started to figure out a way for me to stay home for the next few years. We did figure it out. My photography was bringing in just a little extra, we wouldn't be paying for childcare and fuel, and I would be able to plan out groceries and shopping to save a little more. The decision was made. I was staying home! But then... as I neared the end of the school year I got nervous. I began to weigh the pros and cons more heavily. I finally decided (in a split second when the school handed out next year's contracts) that I would, indeed, return to work.
Here's why:
First of all, would I be staying home for me or for Price? Who would benefit more?
Price LOVES social interaction. Sure, over the summer when all of my teacher friends are off of work we have days filled with the swimming pool and play dates. But, what would we do during the school year and winter time when those weren't options. I can play with Price, but not like another baby can. He would be bored. And I would have major cabin fever. He needs a schedule, and he needs other children. He wouldn't thrive at home alone with me.
Secondly: I chose to go into teaching (and not journalism like I went to school for) because of the time off that I would have with my children. I get tons of holidays and long summer breaks. How many professions get that? I should count myself lucky that I don't work 8-5 all year around.
Thirdly: What would we, as a family, miss out on if I weren't getting the same income? Sure, money can't by happiness. But, it sure can provide you with great experiences that result in lasting memories. Without my income, and with my husband having to add my son and I to his insurance, we would just be getting by. There would be no boat trips, no nights out for dinner, no beach vacations. We would be stuck at home more than we are used to, and we would be counting pennies. That sounds like stress central to me! What baby wants to be cooped up all day with a super stressed mama (who could really use a pedicure and a new dress to uplift her spirits!).
Lastly: I was raised in a home with a single mother who worked her butt off to take care of us, both financially and at home. She taught me to be a hard worker and a contributor. I love that I'm able to take some of the financial pressure off of my husband, and in return, he really helps me around the house and with the baby. There is no "my job, your job." We are truly in it together. I went to college and worked hard to get a job that I enjoyed. And, I got it; and now, I also own a business.
I know that I made the right decision. Yes, fall will be hard when I have to send Price to a babysitter again, but it will be hard for me way more than him. He loves playing with his friends, and I know that I'm doing what is best and right for our family. When I get pregnant again, will I do it the same? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I will decide to stay home. I know that I'll take a longer maternity leave. But, for now, I choose to be a working mom, and I'm just lucky that I actually have the choice. For the next 6 weeks, I'm going to soak up every minute of staying home with my baby, and when August comes, I hope I'll be ready to make next year much better than this one (at work).
