The Decision to Work

This year was a hard, hard year at work. It was my fourth year as a high school English teacher, so the newness has worn off. Common Core Standards were introduced at the high school level, as well as a new state standardized testing format. On top of all of that, and probably the thing that made it the hardest, was me becoming a mommy in September.

In the early weeks of the school year, I was overly pregnant and was concentrating on myself, the arrival of my baby, and preparing my classroom and lesson plans for a substitute. I had an 8 week maternity leave (which was nowhere near long enough). When I returned to school after having baby Price, I was a changed woman. I cried everyday for weeks. I missed my baby. My breastfeeding relationship with him was suffering, I was missing work (unpaid) for doctor's appointments, I couldn't get my lesson plans caught up, my students acted like I was a stranger, and it was hard. Real hard. I didn't want to be there, and I'm pretty sure the students knew that, and you best believe they took advantage of it.

On top of that, I decided that now was the time to officially kick off my photography business. I know it seems like that was a dumb thing to do in the midst of everything, but it has really given me the creative outlet and "me" time that I need. I truly enjoy it.

Every day when I got home from work I complained about my awful day, my two hour commute to and from the babysitter (who happens to be amazing and totally worth it), and at the end of the month my check was lacking because the state doesn't think about babies needing doctors appointments after they are born when they take away every single sick day for your maternity leave. It was miserable. And it was interfering with my marriage, my productivity at home and at work, and my ability to be at my best during the time I had with my baby.

So, naturally, my husband and I started to figure out a way for me to stay home for the next few years. We did figure it out. My photography was bringing in just a little extra, we wouldn't be paying for childcare and fuel, and I would be able to plan out groceries and shopping to save a little more. The decision was made. I was staying home! But then... as I neared the end of the school year I got nervous. I began to weigh the pros and cons more heavily. I finally decided (in a split second when the school handed out next year's contracts) that I would, indeed, return to work.

Here's why:

First of all, would I be staying home for me or for Price? Who would benefit more?

Price LOVES social interaction. Sure, over the summer when all of my teacher friends are off of work we have days filled with the swimming pool and play dates. But, what would we do during the school year and winter time when those weren't options. I can play with Price, but not like another baby can. He would be bored. And I would have major cabin fever. He needs a schedule, and he needs other children. He wouldn't thrive at home alone with me.

Secondly: I chose to go into teaching (and not journalism like I went to school for) because of the time off that I would have with my children. I get tons of holidays and long summer breaks. How many professions get that? I should count myself lucky that I don't work 8-5 all year around.

Thirdly: What would we, as a family, miss out on if I weren't getting the same income? Sure, money can't by happiness. But, it sure can provide you with great experiences that result in lasting memories.  Without my income, and with my husband having to add my son and I to his insurance, we would just be getting by. There would be no boat trips, no nights out for dinner, no beach vacations. We would be stuck at home more than we are used to, and we would be counting pennies. That sounds like stress central to me! What baby wants to be cooped up all day with a super stressed mama (who could really use a pedicure and a new dress to uplift her spirits!).

Lastly: I was raised in a home with a single mother who worked her butt off to take care of us, both financially and at home. She taught me to be a hard worker and a contributor. I love that I'm able to take some of the financial pressure off of my husband, and in return, he really helps me around the house and with the baby. There is no "my job, your job." We are truly in it together. I went to college and worked hard to get a job that I enjoyed. And, I got it; and now, I also own a business.

I know that I made the right decision. Yes, fall will be hard when I have to send Price to a babysitter again, but it will be hard for me way more than him. He loves playing with his friends, and I know that I'm doing what is best and right for our family. When I get pregnant again, will I do it the same? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I will decide to stay home. I know that I'll take a longer maternity leave. But, for now, I choose to be a working mom, and I'm just lucky that I actually have the choice. For the next 6 weeks, I'm going to soak up every minute of staying home with my baby, and when August comes, I hope I'll be ready to make next year much better than this one (at work).

On Mother's Day

As I sit in our office, where I've been threatened not to come out until I'm told, I am feeling so overwhelmed with different emotions. I feel so lucky, grateful, and honored for so many different reasons. 

This is my first Mother's Day (with a baby outside of my belly). I've always tried to do something special for my mom on this day, but this year I feel like I couldn't possibly do enough to thank her for everything she has done for me. My mom always told me that I would never truly understand the love she has for me until I have my own children, and I believed her, but I didn't really grasp how much she really loved me and the sacrifices that she has made for me and my sister over the last 28 years. We have had very different experiences during this early stage of motherhood, and I am in a very different situation than she was when she had me, but the amount of love and the number of sacrifices is comparable. 

Becoming a mother has been the absolute hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It has challenged my body, my mentality, my patience, and my relationships, and it has only been 8 months. I know that the challenges will continue and change, especially as my family grows, but every time I see my baby smile or feel his little fingers rub my cheek, I know that it is all worth it. 

I want to thank all of the great mothers in my life today for all of the hard work that you are doing to ensure that your babies have everything they need to be happy and successful in this life. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it. God chose each one of us to mother our children for a reason, and even though we doubt that we are doing a good enough job on many days, I assure you that if you are worried that you aren't good enough, then you most definitely are. Our babies are the reasons we wake each morning to fight through every day of this life, and one day, when they are parents, they will appreciate every bit of that fight. So, keep on, mama! You are doing a great job. 

Happy Mother's Day. 

In Response to the viral "Dad Bod" Article

If you haven't seen the article, here's the link. 

Read Dad Bod Article 

First of all, this article must have been written by a dude who is completely insecure about his not-so-sculpted abs. Secondly, I am not writing this post to in any way cast judgement on any specific body type. If you rock the "dad bod" that is just dandy with me, but I don't feel the need to glorify it. 

Now, to make my point. 

Moms around the world go through each day sporting push up bras, spanks, girdles, and other bodily torture devices in order to camouflage the "damage" caused by physically growing a human being inside of their bodies and giving birth to that beautiful miracle. Never are our stretch marks, our extra 10 lbs, or our dark under eye circles complimented, much less glorified virally on the internet. We fight hard to live up to today's commercial standards of "beauty," yet never quite make the cut. We are up against movie stars who appear on screen merely days after giving birth as if nothing had happened, royals who make their post postpartum debuts only hours later (once their glam squads have had time to work their magic), and magazine covers who use Photoshop to perfect Kourtney Kardashian's waistline post third pregnancy (even though I do love me some Kourtney K). 

The truth is, that most of us moms are just happy with ourselves when our hair air dried straight enough to only have to fix the front, our concealer actually hides our sleepless eye circles, and we find a pair of pants that fit, and a shirt that doesn't have a spit up stain on it. We are happy when we find a swim suit that our body parts don't fall out of so that we can play with our children at the beach, and we love when one of those accidentally healthy eating days happens (bonus if you got a little sleep the night before). We don't walk around boasting about our "mom bods," and there have never been any articles go viral (that I am aware of) about how men just love the postpartum body. We moms earn these bodies, but those "dad bods," which, by the way, belong to many men who aren't dads at all, are just regular old bodies. They aren't earned or even desired. If a woman happens to go for that type, then fine. I, personally, love my husband's muscular build. He works hard for that. It shows how much pride he has for himself, and how he wants to keep his body strong and healthy so that he can be with us for years to come. This "dad bod" trend is just an excuse for laziness. And, in all reality, when reading this article I noticed that the author is really referring to college aged men. They should call this the "frat boy bod" and take away the indication that all dads are lazy, or that you completely lose your vanity once you become a parent. 

There are so many things wrong with the "dad bod" article, so, funny as it may be, it is completely untrue. 

Let's glorify men who work hard, support their families, and love and care for their wives, regardless of belly size. 

Terry would KILL ME if he knew I posted this, but I'm pretty proud of his "Dad Bod!"

What it felt like to sleep last night.

I'm sure you other moms know this feeling all too well, but I like to think that I'm suffering a worse case of lack-of-sleep than you because it makes me feel better about myself and the poor manner in which I'm handling this no sleep situation. 

I haven't slept more than three or four hours consecutively since September 14th, 2014. Yep, the day Price was born. He's not a sleeper, never has been. At 7.5 months old, one would think that we would be rounding the corner of a full night's sleep, but nope. We see no end in sight. I'm not asking for advice about how to get him to sleep, just sympathy. 

As you know, my husband is a fireman who works over night every couple of nights, therefore I'm left alone to do the night duty. On the nights he's home, he is a HUGE help, but I'm still the one who puts Price to sleep. Price likes it that way. I love the snuggles, and I am grateful for that quiet time with him, however, the serious, serious lack of sleep has really been affecting my mood, my attitude, my enthusiasm, and everything about me. 

Well, yesterday my husband gave me the kindest gift; he took ALL of the night duty himself! He slept in the spare bedroom, across from Price's room, left me to our king size bed with a closed door, and my favorite bedtime television show, and didn't wake me until my alarm went off! Today, after one night of decent sleep, I feel like a brand new person. I wore a dress to work, I was nice to my students, and I was productive. It's AMAZING how one single night can change so much. 

Also, my husband has sworn to make this a weekly routine (I'm sure he has his own motives for doing so), but he knows for sure that a happy wife makes for a happy life, and a tired wife is pure torture! 

We should have tried this sooner. 

Playing Catch Up!

It's been almost a month since I've had a chance to write a new blog post, and that's a good thing! While I haven't had much spare time, I am counting my blessings because (other than work) I've been spending lots of time doing the things I love. I have been blessed with lots of photography sessions, and it has been so fun to watch my business grow (now that Delaina Marie Photography is an OFFICIAL business!) and getting to know so many new people. I have also been super busy trying to keep up with baby Price who has suddenly decided that he doesn't want to be a little baby anymore.

Baby Price turned 7 months on April 14th and is on the move! He is crawling, using one knee and one foot, and kind of looks like that scary thing from "The Grudge." It's so funny to watch and he is super proud of himself! He is also pulling up on EVERYTHING, grabbing at anything within reach, and is obsessed with RUNNING any and everywhere in his walker. He is also officially a food lover, like real food, not baby food. I still home make his baby food purees, but he would much rather eat off of mom and dad's plate. He still isn't much into trying to talk, but loves saying, "hey, dada!" any time his dad is around. He's a complete mess, but definitely the cutest mess I've ever seen! We are going to have our hands full for sure!

In the last month, with all of the craziness that is our lives, we also decided that we really needed some uninterrupted family time so we decided to take a little camping trip to Orange Beach, one of our favorite not-too-far-from-home get aways! We had THE best time and have decided to try to do it once a month if we are able. It was so nice to spend time with my husband and baby with no place to be and nothing we had to do.  Price loves being outside, which we were the whole time, and I think he is also going to be a beach bum like his mom and dad. Getting back to reality this week has been tough, and Price was super sad to see daddy go back to work this week.

My Typical "Mama Morning"

This morning was just great. Fantastic. A pleasure. 

Actually, I think my morning started out last night. 

Price got his 6 month shots yesterday. To say that he didn't have a good reaction would be an understatement. He fell asleep for a couple of hours, and once he woke up, he was feverish and miserable. Except for an hour of him speed demoning around the house in his walker, he was not a very happy boy. My sweet baby slept from about 9:30- 3:00am, and then was so miserable he couldn't fall back to sleep for over an hour. Did I mention that my alarm goes off at 6:00 for work? 

So, of course my husband and I overslept this morning. We woke up around 6:30 when Price gave us a nice wailing 2nd alarm. In order for everyone to be at their designated destinations on time, we should be leaving the house around 6:45. At 7:15, when we were ALMOST out of the door, Price pooped. I go to change him, take his diaper off, and he continues to poop... all over the changing table. Then, he pees...all over his face, clothes, and the wall. We stripped down everything, and into the tub he goes! Good news: Price thinks that all of this is hilarious, and he is now a happy baby! 

Once everything was finally straightened out, Daddy decides that he will help me out by taking Price to the babysitter. I run around to get ready for work, feed the dogs, and get out of the house in time for my morning hallway duty (had to happen on a duty day!) and.... the truck (because Terry had my car because of the car seat)...has. a. flat. tire. 

Happy Thursday! Thank goodness it is my Friday! 

The Burden of Too Much Love

Ever since becoming a mom, I find myself crying... all.the.time.

I cry because I'm SO overly in love with my baby boy. I cry because time is running away so much faster than it ever has before. I cry because I've lived my life so completely unaware of the love that my mother has for me. I cry because I want every single day to last forever, and at the same time, I wish, in the moment, that each day was over because sometimes being a mommy is really hard.

I cry for the moms who have lost their children way too soon, and I cry for the women who wish to be moms more than anything, and it's just not yet their time. And for some, it will never be their time. I cry because they will never know the deepest form of love. I cry for those moms who have babies with disabilities, and who probably cry more than me. And I cry when I hear a story of those special babies overcoming their disability.

My sense of empathy and compassion has exploded since I've had my baby boy. I feel everything so much stronger, and see everything so much more clearly.

The days of being carefree and caring only about myself are long gone. Spending my days wasting away the minutes with meaningless things are over, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love being a mom, but carrying so much love in my heart sure is hard on some days.